Gedidiah's Journal #2

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Gedidiah's Journal — June 15, 2000 Entry

Gedidiah's Journal is brought to you monthly by the "Good Folks down to Leroid's Store," or whenever they can talk Ol' Gedidiah into turning loose of a page or two of it!
Another excerpt from Gedidiah's Journal:
Out here in the country, where we live, it sometimes takes precious extra minutes to get emergency help. That ever-present fact and recent events bring to mind the story of


Elmore Brigsen has always been a fan of TV Doctor Shows, going back to the days of "Dr. Kildare," "Ben Casey" and "Rescue 51," and he rarely misses an episode of "General Hospital" (not to mention his listening to real emergency calls on his "Bearcat Scanner"). It was after watching one of "his shows" with a lot of "CPR'ing" that Elmore had a "relevation" — shortly afterwards his "BRIGSEN STAT'N MACHINE" was created.

[ NOTE: Now, all through the years Elmore had observed that when the Doctors and Nurses ran around hollering "STAT," folks usually came out okay, but when they didn't get "statted" — patients sometimes didn't make it. Hence the name "Brigsen STAT'n Machine" — Elmore said he "weren't takin' no chances."]

Elmore's completed machine consisted of a Briggs&Stratton post-hole digger engine that turned a pipe connected to an old lawn mower engine, all bolted on its side to a 2 by 4 piece of plywood. When Elmore was finished with it, the old mower engine had:
—a 6 foot hose in place of a spark plug, for a "Vintalater";
—a long spark plug wire with a ping-pong paddle taped to it, for "Electro-shock Ther'py";
—an old butter-churn paddle, padded and loosely mounted to a metal arm that replaced the mower-blade, for "Chest Mersage";
—and, after choking on a couple of flies when he first tested his machine on "hisself," he taped a screen wire "Air Purerfier" where the carburetor used to be.

So, Elmore sat around listening to his Bearcat Scanner, and jumped into his already loaded up pickup whenever he heard a local distress broadcast. Elmore couldn't afford a real siren, so he just whaled siren sounds through his CB Radio's Onboard Speaker. Some folks said it sounded more like a mad bull locked out of a cow-barn, but either way, it served the purpose — everybody always got out of Elmore's way!

Oddly enough, Elmore's "BRIGSEN STAT'N MACHINE" operated almost flawlessly, if you don't count the time the exhaust valve got stuck and the "Vintalater" almost "blowed up" Melba Hanes, or the time the churn-paddle fastener tightened up causing it to swing around wildly, and it nearly beat old Seth Riggs to death before Elmore could get close enough to turn it off.

Looking back, Elmore's invention may have saved several lives before the County took it and his Bearcat Scanner away from him — in fact, the last "patient" Elmore called on recovered so quickly at just hearing Elmore drive up, he ran into the woods so fast that Elmore couldn't catch him.

You know — I think I'm gonna get Ol' Elmore to build me one of "them machines," just to keep around for emergencies——


Copyright © 2000 by BUSTER SOFTWARE ® — You may use this article if you credit us and include our URL (, but if you use it without crediting us, we may just tell Ol' Elmore that "you done took the Anjinner" and give him "yore address"!

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